Just another faceless drone

2004-05-11T03:26:00.000-07:00

Recent quote from boss:

"Well aren't YOU a goody two-shoes teacher's pet?"

So much for nurturing career development.

2002-09-23T02:05:00.000-07:00

Recent quote from a "project manager", on the subject of finishing the development cycle of a product:

"At least then we can be making money, instead of fiddling around with technology"

Nice. That's what you think we do all day, then. It's wonderful to feel valued, isn't it?

2002-09-04T03:19:00.000-07:00

You know what really motivates me to strive for customer satisfaction and to exceed business goals using best-of-breed methodologies?

Some arsewit getting paid twice what I get paid to produce vast reams of paper with 'Project Summaries' and 'Objective Requirements'; endless tomes of formalised drivel that serves no purpose other than to obfuscate, confuse, and sign the death warrant of a few more Scandinavian trees.

I have skills, I can do things, I can produce things that do things. This twat couldn't find his arse with both hands. What am I doing wrong?

2002-07-16T00:56:00.000-07:00

Is it a bad sign when you find yourself waking up wishing you'd broken a limb, or someone had died, because at least then you wouldn't have to go to work for a bit?

2002-07-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

Dear boss,

See that present you just got given by the company to celebrate your birthday/anniversary/maternity/religious holiday/whatever? And those flowers?

They represent approximately 10% of the cost of an extra person for my team. That one person might mean the difference between me having a nervous breakdown and not.

Enjoy your gift.

2002-07-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

My job, these days, is more political than practical.

No wait, I'm lying. I'm an actor. I'm the greatest goiddamn actor in this company. They should give me a fucking oscar, I'm so good.

I spend 95% of my time looking busy, when the truth is that my team isn't really busy at all. This is primarily because the choice facing us is impossible: loads of work, too much to handle, and so we inevitably cock up and fail and then they fire us, or option b; not enough work, and so therefore we look idle, and they fire us.

What the fuck? Can we win? Can we bollocks.

The solution is to do neither. To have little work but pretend we have loads. This way we don't get fired - but our brains slowly stagnate and atrophy and shrivel away like old men's penises.

But the thing is, we're fucked anyway. The offshoot of this little scheme is that we look like morons, because it takes us three days to produce a simple document, because we've been twiddling out thumbs over it.

The solution? Insert fifteen layers of signoff to justify the production time.

Genius. You couldn't make this shit up, could you?

2002-07-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

I can't do it. I find it increasingly difficult to sit and smile at the sychophantic antics of my colleagues, watching them all desperately playing the game, because It Matters; because People Notice, because You Should. Whatever.

Fuck that. Fuck that.

2002-06-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

A: do you have to do lots of reports?
B: yes
A: i spend a considerable amount of time doing reports
A: why do people like receiving reports so much, I wonder?
B: because it makes them feel important?
A: do you reckon anyone ever goes home and thinks 'i did a really good report today' or comes in of a morning, planning to put in one of the great report-writing days known to man
B: i very much doubt it
B: I reckon people go home and think "I work for an imbecile"

2002-06-20T02:53:00.000-07:00

Oh God.

It's one thing to not care about the Internet. It's one thing to just use it a bit, for what you want, and then leave it.

But it's another thing entirely to be employed by a company whose business is conducted almost exclusively on the internet, to manage internet-based projects no less, and to then be totally, utterly amazed when someone shows you you can change the font sizes in your browser yourself. Oh, and be paid twice as much as the guy trying to get you to understand why.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

2002-06-19T15:50:00.000-07:00

What kind of a message does a company give you when you show up for work every day for years, and do the very best you can - and yet when it's time to pass out the promotions, all the loudmouthed fuckers in shoulderpads climb higher up the hierachy, while you get passed over simply because you didn't get a chance to shout about your achievements because you were too busy doing them, making things work? When that happens, should you kick up a fuss and have a big huff or continue to sit there doing a bloody good job?

There's something so....demeaning about having to beg for a promotion that you rightfully deserve anyway. Would you want a promotion that you had to grovel for?

No, me neither.

Much.

2002-06-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

I sometimes wonder if my company would notice any difference if I were to sit in my cubicle and bang my head repeatedly on my wrist rest until it was time to go home. I'm quite sure that my department's bottom line would not be affected. I doubt my team would notice. And I'd still have my headache at the end of the day. No difference there, then. Except a slightly higher chance of brain damage.

2002-06-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

Another day, another dollar.

Please excuse my enthusiasm. I may explode with joy.